So, somehow this blog has kind of just turned into me writing about my anxiety. I promise that there are other things happening, things that I will talk about. However, anxiety just seems to be the most obvious thing to me right now.
Today was my 21st birthday. It didn’t seem too different than most days, went to work, had coffee with a friend, had Bible study… A few lovely surprises here and there by those I love (a visit to the humane society to hang out with cats, cards and candy, and a surprise birthday cake to name a few!). But today will also be marked by another thing as well: the first day I took anti-anxiety medication.
Yup, I got a new substance for my 21st birthday, and not the kind you usually get. Not vodka or whiskey or anything like that. It goes by the name of Zoloft.
This is not where I thought I would be by my 21st birthday. Not that this is bad, please don’t think that I believe that anxiety meds are an inherently bad thing. It’s just something that you aspire to when you’re thinking of those milestone birthdays.
I’m so torn, in one way I’m excited to be relieved of this 8 year struggle. In another, I wish I could have done it myself. I wish I could have just been fixed. I wish I could have prayed harder or meditated more or not drank so much caffeine… Alas, those wouldn’t have changed the anxiety that haunts me daily. That makes it hard to breathe, sleep, concentrate, find motivation, and makes me feel sick.
So, here’s to my new friend, Zoloft. Let’s see what he can do for me.